This is what happens after I watch J-dramas:
MASSIVE FANGIRLING ♥
:D
Hahahahaha.
Anyway! Hanazakari no Kimitachi e/花ざかりの君たちへ
:)
I realised that after watching it, people fangirl over Toma instead of Oguri Shun :x

Labels: fangirling, Hanazakari no Kimitachi e, Toma Ikuta

Ahaha new obsession :D

Labels: lyrics

Quiz from Clar :D

(A)

Are you available?
Hmm.
A. Ask Jt, Dionis, Ting, Yunen etc :D
B. Ask Jaejoong, Massu, Jonghyun, Donghae, Ueda, Kame etc :D

What is your age?
Around one more month to fourteeeen :)

What annoys you?
Being broke ._.
Uh, disgusting insects.

(B)

Do you live in a big house?
Uh, don't think so? O:
I want a bigger room D:

When is your birthday?
20 July! 8D

Who is your best friend?
Uh, all my girlfriends ♥ :)

(C)

What's your favourite candy?
Chocolateee :D

(D)

Do you daydream?
Uh. I guess?

What's your favourite kind of dog?
ALL :D

What day of the week is it?
Saturday.

(E)

How do you like your eggs?
Sunny-side-up! :D
(& I don't like egg white. I can hear Yunen saying 'childish' :x)

Have you ever been in the emergency room?
Uh no, don't think so?

What's the easiest thing to do?
Slack :D

(F)

Have you ever flown in a plane?
Yep O:
I don't like planes though :/ They make me puke D:

Do you use fly swatters?
Ew, no ._.

Have you ever used a foghorn?
Nope O:

(G)

Do you chew gum?
Uh, chewing gum & bubble gum lor O:

Are you a giver or a taker?
No idea.

Do you like gummy candies?
Hahaha yep :)

(H)

How are you?
Happyyy :D

What colour is your hair?
Black/dark brown?

(I)

What's your favourite ice-cream?
Chocolateee! ♥

Have you ever ice-skated?
Yep.

Do you play an instrument?
Piano!

(J)

What's your favourite jelly bean brand?
Don't like jelly beans ._.

Do you wear jewellery?
Yeah.

(K)

Who do you want to kill?
You :D Uh. Nobody O:
Except possibly Taeyeon for stealing away Junsu.
Wait, throw in the whole of SNSD too :x
It's illegal to be so pretty and own Super Junior/DBSK's hearts, I tell you ._.

Do you want kids?
Don't know yet O:

Where did you go for kindergarten?
Pat's Schoolhouse o__o

(L)

Are you laid-back?
Don't know ._.

Do you lie?
Uh, yeah?

(M)

What's your favourite movie?
A lot :D

Do you still watch Disney movies?
Except Mulan? O:

Do you like mangoes?
No ._. Even though I know Clar likes Mango Tango LOL.

(N)

Do you have a nickname?
Shuang? :D (LOL.)

What is your real name?
Angshuang.

What's your favourite number?
Currently fiveee. (For DBSK & SHINee!)

Do you prefer night over day?
Depends lah ._.

(O)

What's your one wish?
I don't have one wish D:
I want to meet DBSK and Super Junior and SHINee and NEWS and KAT-TUN and Hey! Say! JUMP and KinKi Kids and Haruma Miura and Toma Ikuta and okay, make that the whole of SM Entertainment & Johnny's Entertainment :x
PLUS all their autographs :D And photos with them.

(P)

What's one fear you are most paranoid about?
Also, I don't have one fear D:
Uh. Butterflies and dragonflies and any insect and ghosts and blah ._.

What's a personality trait you look for in people?
Niceee? :D

(Q)

What's your favourite quote?
A lot O:

Are you quick to judge people?
Don't know?

(R)

Do you think you're always right?
Uh, depends? ._.

Are you one to cry?
Yeah O:
And why is this in R? Shouldn't it be in C? o.o

(S)

Do you prefer sun or rain?
Dependssss O:

Do you like snow?
YEAH! :D

What's your favourite season?
Autumn or Winter?

(T)

What time is it?
11.49am.

What time did you wake up?
9am?

When was the last time you slept in a tent?
Never O:

(U)

Are you wearing underwear?
Wth?

Underwear or boxers?
Go away ._.

(V)

What's the worst veggie?
No idea ._.

Where do you want to go on vacation?
Taiwan & Tokyo!
Or anywhere where I can meet all my idols :D

(W)

What's your worst habit?
Procrastinating ._.

Where do you live?
Somewhere in the middle of Bedok & Tanah Merah O:

What's your worst fear?
Scroll up and look at my list O:

(X)

Have you ever had an x-ray?
Yep. Twice, I think.

Have you seen the x-games?
What's that o.o

Do you own a xylophone?
Nope O:

(Y)

Do you like the colour yellow?
Yay my new obsession! :D
Yellow for Summer! :)

What's one thing you yearn for?
Uh, scroll up and look at my list ._.

(Z)

What's your zodiac sign?
Dog :D

Do you believe in the zodiac?
Don't know o.o

Favourite zoo animal?
Any cute ones :D Like otters etc :D
And tigers 'cause they're pretty :)

♥

Labels: quiz

Current song: Learning to Fall - Boys Like Girls
Current mood: Happy

LOL, no idea why but I've been in a super-happy mood lately :D
For no reason at all o__o

Maybe it's 'cause I haven't touched homework at all :x hahaha.

Will read Merchant of Venice soon.

Maths project is totally dead lah O:
Everyone (besides me & Justin) is away for the CO China trip -.-
Maths worksheets, will finish in tuition :)

Chinese blog thing :/
Sooooon (I think).

Science holiday worksheet. Will do in tuition! 8D

Geography.
Self-research thing soon (haha everything's gonna be soon).
LTA trip after I come back from Taiwan & Zhihao's back from Hongkong (I think).
Sorry everyone (Ting, Jt, Dionis, Enya, Clar, Nicky, Sean, Rason) for making you guys wait ._.

History.
I have no idea what's on the forum thing ._.
And the project's gonna die too! Wuyue's in China for God's sake D:

Uh, study group with Jamie soon :D
(Probably next Wednesday?)
And also iPod-shopping & visiting-Buddy :)

(You were worth the hundred thousand miles/But you couldn't stay awhile ♥)

Labels: holiday homework, ramblings

ONEW | 온유 | 温流 (WenLiu)
Birthday: December 14, 1989
Height : 177 cm
Interest/Speciality : Singing, Piano

(Leader! Don't know why but he kinda reminds me of LJJ :x)


JONGHYUN | 종현 | 钟铉 (ZhongXuan)
Birthday: April 8, 1990
Height : 173 cm
Interest/Speciality: watching movies, singing, song writing and speaks Chinese
Trivia: Was featured in Zhang LiYin's first album - Jang Ri In ft. Kim Jong Hyun - Wrongly Given Love (Listen to the song HERE).

(♥ My (current) most-loved from SHINee :D)


TAEMIN | 태민 | 泰民 (TaiMin)
Birthday: July 18, 1993
Height : 175 cm
Interest/Speciality: POPPIN dance, listening to music, piano, Speaks Chinese

(Cuteee :D One year + 2 days older than me! Hahaha.)


MINHO | 민호 | 珉豪 (MinHao)
Birthday: December 9, 1991
Height : 181 cm
Interest/Speciality : Football, Basketball, Acting, Speaks English & Chinese

(Uh, no comment :x)


KEY
Real Name: Kim Kibum (김기범)
Birthday: September 23, 1991
Height : 177 cm
Interest/Speciality: Rap, Dance, Snowboarding, Speaks English & Chinese

(Omg, no wonder he changed his name to Key lah. Kim Kibum?! Exactly the same lah as Kibum from SuJu lah O:)

♥

Labels: SHINee

Honestly, Boys Like Girls is awesome :)
Every song is their album is... wonderful :D

♥

Labels: lyrics

Yay new fic :)



♥

Labels: DBSK, TVXQ, writings

Mattaku kimi ni wa knockdown (baby),

Current song: Hi Ya Ya - 東方神起
Current mood: Very happy

Happy birthday Wenxin! :D

Yay today is a happy day! :)

Went Parkway for waffles & ice cream at Venezia :D
Then I went to Gramophone, and (yay) bought Tonight! :D
Clearance sale, $9.90 LOL.
Thank you Daddy! ♥
Ahhh the lyrics book photos are so prettyyy :)
There was 'O' Jung.Ban.Hup, Five in the Black, Tri-Angle and Two Hearts/Wild Soul D:
Will go back when I'm rich :D
And also the Five in the Black Concert DVD! $44 ._.

And then went Comics Connection.
Jaejoong keychains (like finally) :D
Bought two of 'em. My phone is now Joongie-fied 8D whee.

(Tsumasaki made ubawareteru nee ♥)
♥

Labels: happy, ramblings

♥

Labels: SHINee

Anyway:
Zhenting my bestie is leaving for her CO trip tomorrow D:
And Dionis my beloved Siaokuku too!
I love you two a lot, and will miss you both veryveryvery much ):

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

#1 If your lover betrayed you, what would be your reaction?
Haha, it depends if he's happier with that other girl lor O: If he's happy, then yeah, okay lor :D
Heartbroken lah, but still.

#2 If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
Uh, the whole world to be happy :D
But if everyone is happy then it'd be normal. So you can't be happy anymore.
Omg I'm confusing myself -.-

#3 What would your dream wedding be like?
Hmm. Something very white 8D

#4 What would you do with a billion dollars?
I'd go crazy over fangirl stuff, then shop, then buy a dog, then save some in the bank and then donate the rest? :x

#5 What's your ideal lover like?
Uh, I guess someone who can make me feel safe? Sense of security is very important yknow O: So you won't feel like you're gonna fall off a cliff any moment ._.
And yeah, someone who loves me more than I love him :D (although it's quite impossible lah, lol.)

#6 Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved.
Obviously being loved right :D

#7 How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Hmm, don't know O: I don't really mind waiting if it'll turn out super-perfect in the end, but not too long, please? :x

#8 If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Uh, be very sad lah of course ._. But still wish that he's veryveryvery happy :D

#9 Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Don't know? O:

#10 What's the worst you have felt these days?
Being super bored ):

#11 What cheers you up the fastest?
Fangirling, of course, but the other one's a secret (haha) :x

#12 How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
24? Hmm. Hopefully very successful and happy :)

#13 Who are currently the most important people to you?
Friends, family? :D

#14 What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Raey!
Yay EDS mate :D One of my best friends yeah :)
Uh, no self-confidence though D: Even though she's very niceee :D

#15 Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
It depends if I was happy being single? O:

#16 What is the 1st thing you do every morning?
Wander out of my room for breakfast?

#17 Would you give it your all in a relationship?
Of course lah :D

#18 If you fall in love with 2 people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Follow my heart :D

#19 What type of friends do you like?
Awesome friends (like my current ones) <3

#20 Tag 8 people to do this quiz.
Dionis, Jengteng, Yunen, Enya, Clarissa, Nicolette, Jamie, Yijie.

♥

Labels: quiz

Whenever/whatever,

Current song: If...!? - Tohoshinki
Current mood: Bored

I've been eating my Meiji chocolate since the start of the day O:
And finished a whole bar yesterday ._.
Hopefully, I don't get sick or anything ._.

Anyway!
11 days to Taiwan 8D
Hahaha okay Clar, shall get you LZX stuff :D
And LJJ for Enya?
I am such a nice person. Rofl.
And Yoochun for Ziwei :D No Changmin 'cause my sister would explode :x

Requested to go Taiwan (again) at the end of the year. My mother says that my father will go crazy.
Haha, if we get to go Taiwan during the December holidays, means we'd be going Taiwan every holiday (minus March & September) since last year! :D

And I wanna go Japaaan D:
Hokkaido & Tokyo last year, hopefully Tokyo+Osaka end of the year? :D
And maybe Korea, if I somehow decide that I like the food :x
But I don't even understand Korean ._.
Except: Annyeonghaseyo, Saranghae, Kamsahamnida (Hello, I love you, Thank you)
And random things like pungseol, noran, omo (Balloons, red, omg)
And of course hyung, oppa, noona :D

LOL, you have just finished one whole post of my random crap :D
A result of my brain after it's over-bored ._.

♥



DBSK on Star Show! :D

Hahaha the first part was quite funny :x

Host: Yunho, which of these members would you introduce your younger sister to?
Yunho: I give up. The first problem, the major problem, is that if my sister and the member fight, I won't be able to take sides.
Host: And the second problem?
Yunho: PASS~!

LOL.

Host: How about Changmin?
Yoochun: He has two younger sisters.
Host: Oh, that's good then!
Changmin: I hope there won't be any misunderstanding, but as a brother of 2 sisters, I hope that my sisters would... meet good guys.
Other members: -kill Changmin-
Changmin: It's not that I don't like the members! I just want my sisters to meet good guys!
Other members: -glare-

Hahaha. So apparently DBSK are not good guys :x

Messages to their future wives 8D (omg so cute. hahaha.)

Junsu: Hi! Honey~ I don't know where we would be, but if you'd be my wife, I'll make you the happiest person. And I'll sing for you whenever you want me to.

Junsu, you are so cute :D I want to hear him singgg O:

Yoochun: Dear~ I don't know who you are now, but when I meet you, I'd have already become a man who's capable and ready. Let's stay happy together for a long, long time.

:D -heart melts-

Jaejoong: Baby~ When we get married, then really... I won't stay out all night. Out of 3 meals, I'll make at least 1 meal a day. And I'll be a husband who never grows a beer belly. I'll be really good to you, so please, just have a cute baby for me~

See, since when do Singaporean guys offer to cook one out of three meals a day :/
LOL.

Changmin: Yeobu~ (translation: spouse) I'll be home soon so just wait for me with the dinner ready.

Uh, what kind of message is this?! Changmin!

Yunho: Manura~ (translation: wife) I know you've been waiting for me. I'll love you to make up for all the times you've waited for me, and for the rest of the time. Just trust me. And let's go to see our kid at the school sports day! -waves-

Oh my, Yunho is so sweet :D Even though he wants his future wife to have like 20 babies for him, but still :x

♥

Labels: TVXQ, video

Over! :D
No more emo (yay) except for the occasional story? (:

Gosh I don't know, the feeling just... left O: Survived one whole day without thinking of you! :D So, yep, guess I'm really over you (:
♥


prologue;
Let's skip school, he says one day.
He slips a hand through hers, gives her a smile (that can never fail to zigzag in electric shocks straight to her heart) and then they sneak out of the back doors, running as fast as their hearts are beating (leaving the world behind them).
They wander around the small town that they call home like they have all the time in the world. He stops by the flower store, slides a hand over her eyes (darkening the world like an eclipse) and then presents her with a bouquet of flowers - sunflowers, roses, daisies, forget-me-nots.
Sunflowers, he says, because you brighten up my life. Roses because they're the colour of your hair when the sun touches them. Daisies because you're heart is just as pure-white as them.
He pauses, and she glances up at him, waiting for his last explanation.
He smiles. Forget-me-nots, he continues, because I promise I'll never let you forget me (a kiss, as light as her heart).

Realisation doesn't hit her in one hard, solid punch in her face; it plants a seed at the back of her mind that grows until she cannot ignore it any longer - until the truth is there, right in front of her, unavoidable (no escape).
She saves the moment, files it away carefully in her brain - when she slowly starts to realise that the smile brightening up his face isn't for her, that his thoughts don't have a place for her anymore, that the fire in his eyes is gone when he looks at her.
She memorises the split second he leaves her life.
He says he's sorry, and his eyes search hers for reassurance that she forgives him.
She tries her best to smile, maybe because she doesn't want him to stay out of sympathy, maybe because even until the very end, she doesn't want to make him feel bad (even while he is effortlessly breaking her heart).
She tells him to be happy, and he nods, his hair falling into his eyes so that she cannot read the expression on his face.
She suspects the fake smile on her face might not be an acceptable example of how happiness should look like, that maybe he can still spot the tears pooling in her eyes, that maybe the corners of her mouth are quivering a little too noticeably.
He doesn't say anything though, just gives her one last smile (that she stores in her brain, for the next time she unpacks the boxes and boxes of memories) and walks away.
She contemplates running after him, wrapping her arms around his waist, telling him to stay - anything to make him stop walking away from her. But she tells herself that the main objective of her life is to make him happy, and she knows that he isn't happy with her anymore, and so she stays fixed in position.
He turns back, one last time, but conveniently, the rain shivers its way down her face so that he cannot see that she is crying.

Her life goes back on track. The way it was before he appeared in her life and dulled everything else, the way it was before she fell in love.
She tells herself to be strong - she cannot crumble right now, not when everyone is watching her for any slight wavering, for any sign that she is falling to pieces.
But it gets hard from time to time, especially during the times when she spots him in corridors, classrooms, everywhere, and she cannot pretend that he doesn't exist. Especially when she feels like there is a hole in her chest where her heart used to be.
There are times, when she, twirling the telephone cord round and round until her fingers are striped red and white, debates with her inner self whether she should call him - just to hear his voice, just to make sure he's okay.
The reasonable half of her always wins. She knows that he is happy without her, and her life is no longer intertwined with him anymore, that she shouldn't disturb the way his life is going.
She knows that his life is perfect without her (that maybe, he didn't really need her at all).
The hardest part is admitting to herself that maybe, she's the only out of the two of them who hasn't learnt how to let go (forget).

Life goes on. So they say.
She throws herself headfirst into the bustle of activities that never seemed to end - the thick throng of homework, her circle of friends, her after-school activities. She welcomes anything to keep her busy, to stem the thoughts of him that occasionally come flooding into her mind.
Sometimes she wonders if anybody feels the way she does - like the world is spinning but leaving her behind, like everything is moving on without her, like the impending future cannot hold her because she is so caught up in her past.
She hates this feeling - like she is some lost, empty soul without him. Like her life cannot function without him (shut down).
It was just a mistake, she chides herself. A bump in the road, a missed road sign. Nothing much, nothing so strong it can waver your life.
Someday, she promises herself, she will learn how to be happy without him.

start;
Yuya is walking down the street when something hits her.
She stands up, brushing the dirt her skirt and wincing when she notices the raw scrapes on her hands before turning around to stare into the warm, golden-brown eyes of the cause of her fall.
I'm sorry, he apologises profusely, propping the bicycle that had knocked into her against his waist. Are you hurt?
Not really, she answers. Her gaze falls on her palms.
Oh my, he says. You need to get that cleaned. Infections happen. You should wash it and then use alcohol to clean the abrasions.
She looks up at him. Doctor, are you?
He gives a small sigh, then a smile. Am I that easy to read?
A little, she admits.
Would you like to read me more over coffee? He asks.
Sure, she shrugs. Nothing like a little reading to add life into my boring day.
He laughs. But first, we have to get them cleaned, remember?

He cleans her wounds for her, and then plasters Band-Aids over them. It doesn't hurt as much now, although that might have something to do with the smile on his face - natural anaesthesia.
Over coffee and scones (a bonus, he says, smiling), she learns that his name is Takahisa, that the scar striping a white streak across his right eyebrow came from the time when he was six and rammed into a glass door, that he likes potato chips but not potatoes.
Why, she finally remembers to ask, were you riding a bicycle when you're a doctor? She stares pointedly at the suit he is still wearing.
Because, he looks at her exasperatedly, like everyone should know the answer, I like to feel the wind. I like to remember that I'm free.
She thinks that he is like a puzzle that is hard to work out, but still fun all the same, and she doesn't want to think about who that reminds her of.

The fifth time they go out, he takes her to the amusement park.
I haven't been here in years, she marvels.
He smiles. Nothing like an amusement park to bring out the kid in you, he tells her knowledgeably.
They make a pact to act as childishly as they can - without ruining their reputations - and so the first thing she does is to buy cotton candy.
She bites into the pink fluff and he laughs at the pink strands sticking to her cheeks, her chin.
Don't laugh, she hisses, shooting a glare at him.
He composes his laughter. All right, he promises. Anything to make you happy.
She doesn't want to wonder why that simple sentence makes her feel like her heart is about to burst.
I thought, she thinks, that my heart was missing all the while?

She grabs his hand in the Haunted House and doesn't let go until they exit into the bright sunshine.
I'm sorry, she says quickly, and pulls her hand out of his.
Don't be, he answers, and then he wraps his fingers around hers and smiles.

On their ninth date, she tells him about her past.
I won't hurt you like he did, he promises. Never.
He promised me everything - the sky, the moon, the sea, the earth, she whispers. But he broke every single one of them.
He stares into her eyes until she feels like she's drowning in the warm, liquid texture of them.
I'll promise you everything - the sky, the moon, the sea, the earth, he tells her. And I'll achieve every single one of them.
Why should I believe you? She wants to know (heart-suspicious).
Because, he answers, I could never live through a day knowing that I hurt you.
She keeps quiet, biting at the curved half-moons of her nails.
Because, he says so quietly that she looks up at him and listens, I could never live through a day not loving you.

She would like to lie, and say that she doesn't think of him anymore - the way it felt when they ran out of school without a care in the world, the way her heart beat so fast she thought it was going to jump out of her chest when he leaned in to brush his lips against hers, the way she loved him so hard it broke her heart.
Sometimes she does, but the look he gives her, the one that penetrates all the way deep down into her soul, makes her believe that he really understands her so much that he even knows that she is thinking of her past.
It makes her love him even more for accepting this pieced-together her with the cracks still showing (proof of the fall she once made).
She thinks that, finally, she can fulfill the promise she made herself those years ago - he will still be a part of who she is, but this time she can look back and think of those memories without crying, this time she can smile and say that, yes, we were happy once, but I'm happy now, too.
She thinks that she is going to break the promise he made her, that she will learn how to forget him (tomorrow, next week, next month).

I swear, I'll let go by the end of today (midnight).
♥

Labels: pairing: Tegomass, writings

Love 'til you're clumsy, tripping and falling (& then learn to let go),

Current song: Maze - Jaejoong
Current mood: Thoughtful

History field trip!

Met Ting at Bedok MRT in the morning. Wahlao her phone get confiscated damn mahfan lah ._. Cannot contact her D:
Reached hall, so little people O:
Oh yeah, and I bet there were two very happy people who sat MRT to school together right! 8D Hahaha.

Watched the video thing.

First was Changi Chapel! O:
Yo Jiajian, one day we shall go schooljack The Japanese School yeah? :D
Still looks the same from that time we went in P5 :/

Lunch at Funan :D
Omg, I've been to Funan so many times in the past two weeks 'cause of Fast & Fresh ._.
Ate Mac.

Then went to Fort Canning for the Battlebox.
Roar, freaked like siao ._.
The wax figurines suck lah D: So scary.
Then that Jiajian & Justin still kept scaring us -.-
Especially Jiajian! At the end when we were all cheong-ing for the exit (actually, it was me dragging Jt & Ting towards the exit :x) then he started laughing really scarily ._.
So I started freaking and trying to open the stupid door, which refused to open D:
Finally someone (I think Justinn?) managed to open it and we all cheonged out :D LOL.
LOL, the guys were damn funny lah!
'Don't step on his million-dollar shoe lah! His parents buy for him one leh! Got all their care and concern and their love okay!' :D

Kranji War Memorial.
Also looked around the same as the P5 trip O:
Had the emo ceremony, blah.

MRT with Dionis, Jengteng, Yunen, Enya, Clarissa, Nicolette, Rason, Sean & Clarence :D
Got pushed by Rason like a million times D:
Jt, next time learn to control your baby :x
Then Rason polluted Dionis' sleeping bag by hugging it and putting it under his armpit D:
In the end when Dionis got it back it was kinda wet :x Ew.

Clarence went to stone/sleep/zibi somewhere in a corner o.o
Enya why never go talk to your friend! O:
Clar was being zibi! 'Ella-ella-ella-eh-eh-under my umbrella!' Gosh she is so zihigh lah o_o
LOL, and then they all bullied Sean 'cause he was listening to music O:
Then Clar was like going 'Hahaha he cannot hear anything we say so let's insult him! Sean is a bastard!' rofl :D
Clar is like damn entertaining lah LOL :D
Dionis went to emo ._.

Went Bugis with Clar & Jt! :D
Ate gelato. Clar was busy deciding between ice cream & her Mango Tango lol ._.
After that wandered around, and then went down to KFC O:
They ate cheese fries and I got my Takopachi, yay :D
And omg, seriously, if you want to act like a Wannabe Jap, at least wear two socks okay -.- Wearing one just makes people wonder if you forgot your other sock :x


Did today mean I'm already forgetting you? O:
♥

Labels: quotes, ramblings

Yay I've been reading Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult (:

By the time you read this, I hope to be dead.
You can't undo something that's happened; you can't take back a word that's already been said out loud. You'll think about me and wish that you had been able to talk me out of this. You'll try to figure out what would have been the one right hting to say, to do. I guess I should tell you, "Don't blame yourself; this isn't your fault", but that would be a lie. We both know that I didn't get here by myself.
You'll cry, at my funeral. You'll say it didn't have to be this way. You will act like everyone expects you to. But will you miss me?
More importantly - will I miss you?
Does either one of us really want to hear the answer to that question?

In nineteen minutes, you can stop the world, or you can just jump off it.

Nobody wants to admit to this, but bad things will keep on happening. Maybe that's because it's all a chain, and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing, and that led someone else to do another bad thing, and so on. You know, like that game where you whisper a sentence into someone's ear, and that person whispers it to someone else, and it all comes out wrong in the end.
But then again, maybe bad things happen because it's the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like.

When you don't fit in, you become superhuman. You can feel everyone else's eyes on you, stuck like Velcro. You can hear a whisper about you from a mile away. You can disappear, even when it looks like you're still standing right there. You can scream, and nobody hears a sound.
You become the mutant who fell in the vat of acid, the Joker who can't remove his mask, the bionic man who's missing all his limbs but none of his heart.
You are the thing that used to be normal, but that was so long ago, you can't even remember what it was like.

♥

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